by admin ·
Welcome to the first national registry of DWI / DUI arrests.
Our introductory offer of a FREE COFFIN!
Are you tired of all the nagging from your spouse, from cops, judges, MADD and other busy-bodies?
Are you fed up with all the jazz about designated drivers and want to go out in a blaze of glory?
Have you failed to line up your final expenses and plan on simply, as usual, shifting the responsibility for your reckless lifestyle to your family and making them pay for your funeral?
HERE IS GREAT NEWS!
Follow the rules of this offer and you could win a FREE COFFIN!
This registry has been published to provide easier access to the incidents of alleged drunk drivers in all 50 states. Insurance investigators, lawyers representing the victims of drunk drivers, police, security clearance, employers, spouses and others interested in what really happened in Vegas are invited to scan these listings for useful information.
To avoid becoming a person listed on this registry, simply call a cab instead of driving drunk. A cab will usually cost $25 or less and is a lot cheaper than paying for DWI attorneys, increased insurance premiums, and time lost from work for court, attending alcohol counselling sessions and listening to nagging from those who learn of your arrest. A special offer of a free coffin will be made available to the person with the most DWI arrests in America during the 2011 Christmas Party Season…check back for updates on this special and final offer.
Offer will be awarded upon expiration of the winner as long as the drunk driver kills only himself or herself and no one else.
In order to not win this prize — call a cab instead of driving after drinking!
See the list of nominees selected thus far in 2011 by clicking on the category “Nominees for Free Coffin Award” None of them are dead yet, but you can bet they’ll keep trying to get there!
Those interested in ordering an actual wooden coffin which can be used as a bookcase before its final use, can order from The Old Pine Box, from which we purloined the art for this offer.